February 2012
37 posts
TRIAL AND ERROR: PART DEUX
We are now just days away from Lola’s honeymoon shower and after the chocolate cup fiasco, we are on a mission to find a substitute that we can actually conquer. Today we are trying our hand at the infamous chocolate balloon cups.
Had to leave the balloon blowing to The Mister unless I wanted my unborn child to come out and give us a hand as well.
So we melted the chocolate and...
Another day, another substitute assignment … or so I thought. Today I had the pleasure of experiencing severely handicapped middle school children and to say I am exhausted is an understatement. First of all, I was actually mistaken to think that a lesson plan was actually going to be executed. I think the aides looked at me, not only in disgust but disbelief, when I naively asked if the...
“Does he even know what he looks like?”
– Sometimes The Mandated Reporter calls it out in the most simplistic terms - especially when you are content with not owning a mirror in your life. Don’t do it.
With Lola’s honeymoon shower looming in the distance, it’s time to get serious. This means it’s time to take all the Pinterest dreams and make them a reality. First off, chocolate cups …
The tempering, the manual brush on technique, letting it stand for ten minutes and the unveiling …
I think this picture says it all … truly invoking not only fear and...
“That’s it, where’s the Hefty bag?!!”
– I have officially reached my boiling point. Every time I finish cleaning one room, it’s time to begin another one. And after that one is finished, I return to find the initial room in ruins. One would think with so many rooms to clean, I might be speaking of the mansion I live in. WRONG. I...
Something The Mister would appreciate and swears is the difference between a good tip and a seven cent tip. TRUST.
SCENES FROM A DEALERSHIP . . .
I hate car dealerships. I hate how they treat women. I hate how they try to condescend you with illusionary words such as “interest” and “APR”. I hate the way they try to act impressed by your negotiation skills when you are clearly aware of the financial rape that is occurring. And after today, I hate going to dealerships … with The Mister. You would believe that...
“Is there a movie being shown out here?”
– Shrek and his usual passive agressive self not understanding why the majority of the office is at the window watching with concern as the motorcycle cop gets taken away by the ambulance when he just got in a head on collision and went flying through the air. Nevermind that the receptionist, who saw...
ROMANTICAL MOMENTS WITH THE MISTER . . .
The Mister: Gross, my piss stinks like yours.
Me: What? You think my urine smells.
The Mister: I didn't say that!
Me: Yeah you did. I heard you. Then what did you say?
The Mister: I said that I stink like you.
Me: What? Is that supposed to be better?
The Mister: No, I meant to say that I stink.
Me: LIKE ME!!!
If this doesn't scream Valentine's romance, I don't know what does.
“But they really like the campus.”
– I have learned that it was a big mistake to let The Middle Child Syndrome Sister take my children out to USC - especially when she finds it appropriate to walk the streets of South Central at 7:30pm.
Whitney Houston - My Love Is Your Love
A favorite...
JIGGA????
WHITNEY HOUSTON - Dead at 48
O.M.G.
Had a chance to do my first substitution assignment today and I mistakenly thought this would be a breeze considering a) it was at my home school and b) it was fourth grade and I already had worked with most of students at one time or another. I am gonna say that when the teacher’s welcome note and instructions begin with the words “I will be honest with you”, asks for a detailed...
For anyone who knows The Teeny Little Super Guy, these Mini Pop Tarts are impertive to his survival in the world of allergies. Gonna definitely try these.
l shower dessert ideas. Let’s see how the “NAILED IT” edition comes out.
FREE AT LAST . . .
The Good News: It’s 1:30 p.m. and I am officially free. The Mister has taken the boys for some Super Bowl bonding and I now have time to get down to some home improvement business. The Bad News: The Mister is alone with my children. One hair in the wrong place on these children and hell knows no wrath like that of a mother who suspects neglect. Equally bad, that I find joy in being alone to...
“You can do whatever the F@#$ you want!”
– It’s almost like deja vu, but it’s not Lola this time. It’s The Middle Child Syndrome Sister slapping her Mac Book shut and storming out of the room when simply asked what her contribution is to the honeymoon shower, outside of shutting down each of my appetizer ideas.
A DAY IN THE LIFE . . .
Who needs a Flashback Friday, when you can get a glimpse at what I looked like at the clinic this morning. The eyes rolling into the back of my head, the barely audible jibber jabber, falling straight backward - yeah, that’s about right.
CONVERSATIONS WITH THE MISTER
Conversations with The Mister can be rare and far between … at least civil ones. How we ended up in a heated discussion about great football players is even more rare - especially since I could care less for football. But if anything spurs passion in The Mister, I have found it to be Bo Jackson because Bo knows … .
apparently everything, including my own heart. Who knew this fool...
“Has anybody ever died during a tonsillectomy?”
– I am taking it that you will not find a single Get Well card being sent to Shrek as he goes into tonsillectomy surgery this morning. In fact, most are hoping for a super painful procedure or if we are lucky, a life threatening infection. At the very least, it will keep him out of my face for a few...
January 2012
40 posts
Receptionist: You have a call on the Santos matter.
Me: Which Santos matter?
Receptionist: I don't know.
My bad, I thought I was talking to the receptionist. When your only job is to find out who is on the line -I DON'T KNOW doesn't really cut. Much less is the fact that I have walk you through what a receptionist's next step would be in this situation. More importantly, why has this become a "situation" in the first place? It must be a Monday. Nope, it's just another day in this office.
UGH . . .
When you are on the eve of entering your sixth month of pregnancy, just looking at this picture is exhausting enough - let alone attempting to tackle it. Making things even more pathetic, you question why you are so daunted by a mere bathroom. And then you realize it is in fact the bathroom and that it just has to get handled. It’s about 5pm and all I have accomplished is clearing this...
FLASHBACK FRIDAYS
Running a bit behind today for no good reason, either. Keeping it simple and sweet. Hard to believe this was holiday season circa 2007. But some things just don’t change and that’s good friends. Here’s to a productive weekend.
FAIL . . .
The dainty and barely there baby bump I am supposed to have …
and what I am really looking like.
“Because even God doesn’t want her back.”
– Told The Mister what The Mandated Reporter had to say about his mother. You know it’s reached a whole new low when your own son agrees with the general population’s despise.
“How is it that your mother-in-law is still walking this earth and my mom is not?”
– Leave it to The Mandated Reporter to put things into perspective … and rightfully so.
“I am wearing my CFM boots.”
– Some statements shouldn’t be made by a middle aged woman, especially during a family gathering. More importantly, don’t ever try to whisper in my ear what CFM stands for because I cannot guarantee that my facial reaction will behave itself. Leave it to the mother-in-law to make even my...
CHINESE NEW YEAR . . .
Chinese New Year: A time when I get together with The Mister and his family to eat freshly prepared wonton soup, dress up in traditional Chinese satin garb that fails to fit pregnant or not, listen to the brother-in-law brag about ANOTHER near death moment courtesy of alcohol poisoning and as always, tons of inappro commentary by the mother-in-law.
Don’t ask.
CHEESE INSPIRATION . . .
In an effort to help out Lola with her wedding, I have taken on the appetizer table. Trying desperately to class it up is a daunting task when your client (Lola) busts out: “What’s prosciutto?”. You almost want to shush her and rock her to sleep … a deep, never-to-awaken slumber. Dealing with my mother is no better, especially when her prize winning suggestion is...
DENIAL: THE RIVER IN EGYPT
Usually blogs are used to post the happenings of one’s lives. It’s basically a real time diary for the good, the bad and the ugly. Most of my ramblings revolve around the nuisance of neighborhood kids, the contempt I have for my workplace or glimpses into the diabetic comas induced by The Mister - all that and of course, a good dosage of trash talk. At the end of the year, I felt...
FLASHBACK FRIDAYS
It’s never too late for some flashbacks and in honor of the movie that I am currently enjoying with the boys … “Welcome to the Rock” (gotta imagine the whole Sean Connery bad-ass accent when I say it).
Not sure if we were running late to board the boat to Alcatraz or if we had desperately resorted to actual exercise in an effort to avoid hypothermia. Moral of the story:...